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Dealing with Loss


You have it, it’s part of you and the next minute it’s gone. Pain, sad memories, and unanswered questions can haunt you. It’s a precious loss, it could be someone, your pet, a job that you have worked hard to keep or even a piece of jewelry grandmother gave you, the grief can be intense. You may even feel that life will never be same again. Dealing with a loss can be hard.

1-Confront your loss.

As easy as it might sound, dealing with a loss can easily take over and leave you on the other side. When a loss is fresh in your memory, your grief deserves your full attention. However, you should draw a line on prolonged grieving. Give yourself a period of time – perhaps a few days to a week – to be profoundly sad. Protracted wallowing ultimately keeps you stuck in your sense of loss, paralyzed by self-pity and unable to move forward.  Allow yourself to cry or grieve in another way that feels natural. Only by first acknowledging your grief you can begin to defeat it. Ignoring the pain caused by the loss or sedating yourself with distractions will only work for so long – no matter how fast you run from it, eventually, your grief will overtake you.  Some may numb the pain by oversleeping, drug abuse etc.

2- It’s okay to cry !

Let your pain out. Let the tears flow. Never be afraid to cry, even if it’s not something you usually do. Realize that there is no right or wrong way to feel pain or to express it. Crying, pummeling the pillow, going for a long run, throwing things out, going for a long drive, screaming at the top of your lungs in a forest or other solitary place, and sketching your memories are just some of the ways that different people find outlets for their pain. Avoid doing anything that may result in harm to yourself or others. Dealing with a loss is a time for learning how to draw on your inner emotional reserves and learning how to cope with pain.

3- Share your feelings.

Share your feelings with others. It’s healthy to seek out people who will take care of you when you’re suffering. If you can’t find a friend, lean on a compassionate stranger or a priest, counselor, or therapist. Even if you feel that you’re rambling, confused and uncertain, talking to someone you trust is one form of allowing yourself to start dumping out some the pain you’re experiencing. See talk as a form of “sorting” your emotions – your thoughts don’t need to be coherent or reasoned. They just need to be expressive.

4-Be around positive energy.

Distance yourself from people who aren’t compassionate. Ignore people who say things like “get over it”, “stop being so sensitive”, “I got over it quickly when it happened to me”, etc. They don’t know how you feel, so don’t give their dismissive comments any attention. Some of the people who are dismissive of your grief may even be friends with good (but misguided) intentions. Reconnect with these people when you’re feeling stronger. Until then, distance yourself from their impatience – you can’t rush an emotion when dealing with a loss.

5- Harbor no regrets.

After you’ve lost someone, you may feel guilty. You may be preoccupied by thoughts like, “I wish I’d said goodbye one last time,” or “I wish I’d treated this person better.” Don’t allow yourself to be consumed by your sense of guilt. You cannot change the past by mulling over it again and again. It’s not your fault that you lost someone you loved. Rather than dwelling on what you could have done or should have done, focus on what you can do – process your emotions and move forward.

6- Save things that remind you of your loss.

Just because a person or a pet is gone doesn’t mean you shouldn’t always remember them. It may be comforting to know that even if the person or pet is no longer here, the friendship, love and personal ties you have with them still exist. No one will ever be able to take that away from you, and the relationship you have with them will always be a part of you. Some moments will always be worth reminding you of your own courage, tenacity and ability to envision a better future.

7- Get help.

In our society, we have a tremendously harmful stigma against people who seek help with emotional problems. Seeing a therapist or counselor does not make you weak or pathetic. Rather, it’s a sign of strength. By seeking out the help you need, you show an admirable desire to move forward and overcome your grief. Don’t hesitate to schedule an appointment with a professional. Surround yourself with good and positive people and that will help with dealing with a loss.

Hope this helps someone.

Written by,

Patricia Chiku  RN,CLNC


Anguish of Hospice and Respite Care

( 5 tips to ease the pain)  Hospice and respite care

Crying Doctor

The intense, heart-breaking anguish of death indicates a deep connection that has been severed. Without a doubt, grieving is painful. But it is also necessary. Hospice patients and respite care deaths have been the highest cases affecting us, the health care workers because of the feeling of helplessness to the dying individual.

As we hide behind the scrubs and stethoscopes, this can be very hard to know how much tears are flowing in our hearts. The bathrooms, utility rooms, offices,  let alone our cars hiding behind dark glasses, have become places of comfort to shed our tears.

We are so focused on the needs of the dying  on hospice and their families that we set aside our own feelings in order to tend to theirs. Our head tells us that losing a patient is normal, it’s the cycle of life and death, and part of our job, but in our heart of hearts we know that it is all affecting us in ways we may not be able or willing to acknowledge.

  • You still have to be strong for the family during the grieving process of hospice care.
  • You are still taking care of other patients who are supposed to see a loving and happy face from you, pretending like nothing happened.
  • You still need to tend to your family and try not to think about the toll that so much grief may be taking on you during the anguish of hospice care.

Try these 5 tips to ease the fatigue of grief.

  1. Take care of yourself before you take care of others. Understand your own grief and feelings about death and the emotions that come with it when you are trying to support others.
  2. Keep your emotions in check. Cry if you have to with your colleagues.  Have your colleagues alert you when you are losing interest in your normal activities. That might be a sign of grief fatigue.
  3. If your emotions are controlling you, seek help from a counselor. Many hospitals offer this as a benefit to staff, so take advantage!
  4. After you Leave work, engage yourself in activities. For some people it is going to the gym or for a run after work to release the stress of the day.  For some people it is as simple as taking a shower and watch a movie or even face time or talk to a friend. Meditation, crafting, and cooking can all also be helpful tools for letting go of the day and focusing on something else.
  5. Taking vacations or even drive out of town

What If You Fall Tonight (Senior care)

  Senior  care:      1  out  of  3  seniors  fall  every year


If You CAN Get Up (senior care)FALL 22 

The first thing to do is to catch your breath. Check and see if you are injured. Even if you think you’re OK, take your time before getting up again. (senior care).

Follow these five steps for getting up:

1 -Lie on your side; bend the leg that is on top and lift yourself onto your elbows or hands.

2 -Pull yourself toward an armchair or other sturdy object, then kneel while placing both hands on the chair or object.

3 -Place your stronger leg in front, holding on to the chair or object.

4 -Stand up.

5 -Very carefully, turn and sit down.

Most of all, stay calm.

If You CANNOT Get Up (senior care)

If you feel any discomfort or are unable to get up, try to get help.

1 -Call out for help if you think you can be heard.

2 -If you have an emergency call device or telephone at hand, use it.

3 -If you don’t, try to slide yourself towards a telephone or a place where you will be heard.

4 -Make noise with your cane or another object to attract attention.

5 -Wait for help in the most comfortable position for you.

6 -If you can, place a pillow under your head and cover yourself with a piece of clothing or a blanket to stay warm.

7 -Try to move your joints to ease circulation and prevent stiffness.

If You Are the WITNESS (senior care)

1 -If you see someone fall, resist the urge to get the person up immediately. First check for condition: Is     the person conscious or unconscious? Does the person appear to be injured? Reassure the person.

2 -If the individual cannot get up, call for help and administer first aid if you are able to do so. Help the person find a comfortable position and keep him or her warm using an item of clothing or a blanket.

3 -If the individual appears able to get up, proceed with care and follow the steps below:

4 -Bring a chair close by; help the person turn onto one side and bend the upper leg; help the person into a semi-seated position.

5 -Placing yourself behind the person and getting a firm grip on the hips, help the person to a kneeling position with both hands on the chair.

6 -Holding on to the chair, the person should then place the stronger leg in front. You may help by guiding the person’s leg.

7 -With a firm grip on the hips, help the person to stand, then turn and sit on the chair.

By  Pat Chiku RN/BSN


Stress reducing tips

Healthy At Home Caregivers 24/7 In-Home Care


Stress can have negative effects on everyone’s life. It can lead to high blood pressure, increased chance of illness, less resistance to disease, depression, and substance abuse. Stress can arise out of difficulties at home, in relationships, and at work. When you are stressed, you are not you. Here are a few simple stress reducing tips:

  • Eat a nutritious, well balanced diet
  • Exercise regularly
  • Talk with someone about what is stressing you
  • Stay organized
  • Manage your time as best as you can
  • Use relaxation techniques to calm yourself

Remember, no one can help you if they don’t know what is going on. There is nothing wrong with asking for help and receiving it.

*Fun & Tasty Stress Relieving Dessert Recipe*

Fruit Kabobs with Creamy Cherry Peanut Butter Dip


1 cup low fat vanilla yogurt

¼ cup creamy peanut butter

1/3 cup cherry preserves (or any sugar free or low sugar flavor of your choice)

4 cups fresh fruit such as pineapple chunks, sliced kiwi, melon balls, grapes or assorted whole berries


Directions: Whisk together yogurt, peanut butter and preserves in small bowl until thoroughly mixed. Spoon

into small serving dish and thread pieces of fruit onto wooden skewers.

Arrange skewers and place on serving platter. Enjoy!

Call us Today for a free assessment at 888.391.3638
Healthy At Home Caregivers
24/7 In-Home Care
Throughout Southern California


Exercise For Better Back Care

Exercise For Better Back Care


General Instructions

Your best back support is derived from your own back muscles. Exercise for better back care. Faithful performance of back exercises often avoids the necessity of an external brace or corset. Back muscles can give you all the support needed if you strengthen them by routine performance of prescribed exercises.


Follow the exercise routine prescribed by your doctor. Gradually increase the frequency of your exercises as your condition improves, but stop when fatigued. If your muscles are tight, take a warm shower or bath before performing your back exercises. Do not be alarmed if you have mild aching after performing exercises. This should diminish as your muscles become stronger. Exercise on a rug or mat, put a small pillow under your neck. Wear loose clothing and no shoes. Stop doing any exercise that causes pain until you have checked with your doctor.

Helpful Hints For a Healthy Back

Standing and Walking


Try to toe straight ahead when walking; put most of your weight on your heels; hold your chest forward and elevate the front of the pelvis as if walking up an incline. Avoid wearing high heels. Stand as if you are trying to touch the ceiling with the top of your head, eyes straight ahead. All the elements of good posture will flow from these simple maneuvers.



Sit in a hard-back chair with spine pushed back; try to eliminate the hollow in the lower back. If possible, elevate the knees higher than the hips while sitting in an automobile. Secretaries should adjust posture chairs accordingly. Sit all the way back in the chair with your back erect.



Bend your knees; squat and lift with your leg muscles, not your back. Never bend over with your knees straight and lift with the upper torso. Move slowly and avoid sudden movements. Try to avoid lifting loads in front of you above the waistline. Avoid bending over to lift heavy objects from car trunks, as this places a strain on low back muscles.



Sleep on a firm mattress; a ¾ inch plywood bed board is helpful and should be used with a very firm orthopedic mattress. With acute back pain, sleep with a pillow or blanket rolled under the knees and a pillow under the head. Keep your knees and hips bent when sleeping on your side.



Use a firm seat with a padded seat support. Sit close to the wheel with knees bent. On long trips, stop every one to two hours and walk to relieve tension and relax muscles.



Try to avoid fatigue caused by work requiring long standing. Flex hips and knees by occasionally placing a foot on a stool or bench. Take exercise breaks from deskwork by getting up, moving around and performing a few back exercises in the standing position.

Recommended Exercises



Lie on your back with knees bent and hands clasped behind neck; feet flat on the floor. Take a deep breath and relax. Press the small of your back against the floor and tighten your stomach and buttock muscles. This should cause the lower end of the pelvis to rotate forward and flatten your back against the floor. Hold for five seconds. Relax.



Lie on your back with knees bent; feet flat on the floor. Take a deep breath and relax. Grasp one knee with both hands and pull it as close to your chest as possible. Return to starting position. Straighten leg. Return to starting position. Repeat with alternate leg.



Lie on your back with knees bent; feet flat on the floor. Take a deep breath and relax. Grasp both knees and pull it as close to your chest as possible. Hold for three seconds, then return to starting position. Straighten legs and relax.



Lie on your back with knees bent; feet flat on the floor. Take a deep breath and relax. Draw one knee to the chest. Then point leg upward as far as possible. Return to starting position. Relax. Repeat with alternate leg.



a) Lie on your stomach with hands clasped behind back. Pull shoulders back and down, pushing hands downward towards feet.


b) Stand erect. With one hand grasp the thumb of the other hand behind the back, then pull downwards toward the floor; stand on toes and look at the ceiling while exerting the downward pull. Hold momentarily, and then relax. Repeat ten times at intervals of two hours during the working day.



Stand with your back against doorway. Place heels four inches away from frame. Take a deep breath and relax. Press the small of your back against the doorway. Tighten your stomach and buttock muscles, allowing your knees to bend slightly. This should cause the lower end of the pelvis to rotate forward (as in exercise 1). Press your neck up against the doorway. Press both hands against opposite side of doorway and straighten both knees. Hold for two seconds. Relax.

The following exercises (7-9) should not be started until you are free of pain and the other exercises have been done for several weeks.




Lie on your back with your legs straight, knees unbent and arms at your sides. Take a deep breath and relax. Raise legs one at a time as high as is comfortable and lower to floor as slowly as possible. Repeat five times for each leg.



May be done holding onto a chair or table. After squatting, flex head forward, bounce up and down two or three times, and then stand up.



Lie on your back with knees bent; feet flat on the floor. Take a deep breath and relax. Pull up to a sitting position keeping knees bent. Return to starting position. Relax. Having someone hold your feet down will help with this exercise.