Navigating Grief
There are many types of grief, ranging from the anticipatory grief one might feel after losing someone to a long-term illness to the delayed grief of someone who had suppressed their emotions after their loss.
At the end of the day there is no right way to grieve, and everyone grieves and expresses their emotions in different ways. Still, it’s nice to have some tools in our emotional toolbox to look to when we’re feeling overwhelmed by sorrow.
Be patient with yourself
Grief has no real timeline. Some days we wake up and it’s like we never experienced the loss. We’re able to go about our daily lives, smile, spend time with family or friends, and grief is just a shadow in the back of our mind. Other days the world feels colder and darker without our loved one in it. We’re angry and hurt and confused all over again, but why? Often grief will come in waves that may be triggered by a memory or a place, it’s hard to say what will bring us back to our loss. It’s important to know that, eventually, the waves get smaller and further apart. We won’t always feel like we’re drowning.
Take care of yourself
It can feel hopeless at first, “I couldn’t take care of them so why should I bother taking care of myself”, but at the end of the day we’re just as important as our loved one was. Staying in tune with our regular sleep and meal schedule can help to maintain a sense of normalcy when everything else feels like it’s going crazy. Adding a walk or scheduling a workout can help relieve some of the stress we’re feeling. As difficult as it may be to remember in times like this, we aren’t alone. If we’re feeling isolated it’s a good idea to reach out to someone, whether it’s friends, family, or even a professional counselor.
Give yourself space to feel
It’s normal to experience many different emotions after the loss of a loved one. We might feel angry, depressed, anxious, regretful, or even guilty and it’s important to let ourselves feel these organic emotions as they come lest we prolong the grieving process for ourselves. Our feelings can come with tears or laughter, or they might want us to sit and isolate ourselves from the other people in our lives. As we allow ourselves to feel, we open the way to identifying what we’re feeling and from there we can work on coping with these feelings, no matter how small or how large.
Honor and celebrate your loved one
It may take a while but one day we’ll be able to talk about the loved one we lost. The songs they loved will bring a smile to our faces as we dance to them, and their stories will earn laughs from anyone we tell. We might start a tradition centered around our loved one, such as celebrating their birthday by getting together with family or donating to a cause in their name. At the end of the day even though our loved one is no longer with us we still have our memories of them, and we can still honor them.
